Stargrove!
Posted in funny, movies on 04/08/2009 11:13 am by sushiAfter a packed Yelp event at the Jackalope and drinks at Mugshots I tagged along to see the Terror Tuesday showing at the Drafthouse. This week’s big draw was Never Too Young To Die, which will take me at least a few weeks to get over. Highlights included:
- Gene Simmons as a hermaphroditic villain
- a crowd yelling for Ragnar (the villain) to give someone “the finger”
- George Lazenby doing his best with some of the most obvious dialogue ever
- a theme song for John Stamos’ character (STARGROVE! STARGROVE!)
- some of the worst edits I have ever seen in a professionally done movie
- bad guy lackeys who look like a cross between the Wheelers from Return to Oz and something out of Mad Max
- also, these lackeys drive motorcycles that look like unicorns
- unicorn-cycle fights on the freeway with battle axes
- the most hilarious seduction scene EVER (NSFW)
- a fight in which there was completely uncalled-for nipple biting
- Gene Simmons’ terrifying tongue
- a weird little cameo by Robert Englund
There’s actually a review up on Something Awful (of course!) that gives a pretty good rundown of the movie. You know, in case you don’t want to spend an hour and a half actually watching it.