Dear Woot,
I’m a big fan of you guys, but you’re kind of starting to piss me off. What the hell is up with this? Or this? Just in case you forgot: half of the population are women. Maybe you should consider that when writing your copy, and try not be giant assholes. Thanks.
No love,
Susi
EDIT: Now they’re just taunting me.
Dear relatively new co-worker:
While I understand that it gets hot in your office, you may want to consider closing the door anyway if you are going to have a private conversation about your pending lawsuit. It might also help some if you didn’t have the LOUDEST VOICE KNOWN TO MAN.
Since you get approximately a hundred personal calls a day, please also consider putting your cell phone on silent during the workday, or at least turn it down. I do not enjoy hearing your too-loud fake Caribbean music ring tone. If you do not, you may find your phone to be mysteriously missing one day soon.
One last thing: lay off the perfume. If the restroom still smells like your perfume when you were last in there fifteen minutes ago, you’re doing it wrong.
Love,
Susi
Dane pointed this out when he saw my yelp profile:
On the left: “I am filled with loathing for mankind.”
On the right: “Susi has no friends.”
EDIT: The zen perfection has been ruined. Ah well, I knew it couldn’t last.
Is there some manufacturing defect on BMWs that I am unaware of? Does BMW leave out the turn signals when they make their cars? If not, then to the THREE PEOPLE driving BMWs that almost killed me on my 15 minute drive in to work this morning: YOU SUCK.
I need a recommendation for a good gaming news site. My requirements are simple:
1) Up to date news
2) No console bias or favoritism
3) Doesn’t include upskirt photos of PVC figurines or other such nonsense
I’ve tried several sites over the past few months and have had problems with all of them. Please, I need to get my gaming news without wanting to smash my monitor!
I’m sure everyone is dying to know what I think of Guitar Hero III, so I’m finally writing up my review. Months ago when I heard that Harmonix had split from RedOctane I feared for Guitar Hero’s future. My anxiety increased when I found that the reigns on GHIII were taken by Neversoft (whose claim to fame is beating the dead horse of the Tony Hawk franchise like a freaking Madden game). As it turns out, my fears were completely correct, and Neversoft has sold out the GH franchise just like your favorite indie band sold out when they let their songs be used as product jingles.
First, the good points, as there are a few of them. The gameplay has largely been left alone. There are even a few small improvements, such as the pull-offs being easier. The difficulty level has gone up, but to compensate somewhat for that the timing window has gotten almost embarrassingly large. I don’t mind so much, as I can nail solos now that I would never have dreamed of acing in the first game. Co-op career mode is lots of fun, and the added incentive of different encores from single-player career is a nice touch.
Then there’s the bad stuff. The “guitar battles” are LAME. You play against a famous guitarist that the game controls. Certain notes are marked differently, and if you hit a run of those you get a power-up that you can use to attack the other guitarist. Your goal is to make the other guitarist fail before the end of the “song”. What cracks me up is that the battles are essentially jam sessions, and one of the loading bumps actually says “no one wants to pay to hear you jam”. The rest of the loading bumps are equally unfunny, like they were trying way too hard. (There’s only been about one that I laughed at so far) In the band, the drummer moves jerkily and the male lead singer’s chin is horrifying. They took out Pandora (my favorite guitarist) and sexed up the remaining female guitarists. The final straw? The game is sponsored by Axe body spray, with trashy dancing girls and Axe-branded guitars to match. I understand sponsorship by actual guitar and accessory companies, but Axe has absolutely nothing to do with music. Also, you’ve just alienated half of your potential market by reducing the female guitarists to eye candy and adding totally unnecessary dancing girls. (I mean, they’re dancing to “Bulls on Parade” and “One” fer chrissakes, those aren’t really songs you can do stripper-esque moves to!) Classy.
Once I take everything into account, I end up left with the feeling that Neversoft just didn’t “get it” when they made GHIII. None of the quirky, funny style that Harmonix infused the original game with is there anymore. It’s almost like hanging out with a little kid that looks up to you. Sometimes you feel embarrassed for them at how hard they’re trying to be cool. In any case, I’m way more excited about Rock Band now that I’ve watched some of the videos on the site. Customized rockers? Hell yes.
Next up is a Mario Galaxy review. I’m out the door in five to go get a copy, I’m sure the Wii will be on nonstop the next few days.
Here’s one for the “shoddy science” pile. Ubisoft did some in-house research and found that girls (in the 6-14 year old range) want games about babies, fashion, and cooking. The irritating thing is that I can’t find any information on how they conducted their “research”. The Ubisoft rep says they want to make games that allow girls to “explore their favorite hobbies” and that the girls “didn’t mention anything about being a police officer”. That makes it sound like they did a survey to see what girls liked to do in real life or what kind of job they may want in the future. If that’s the case, then they’re complete idiots. You wouldn’t do a survey of boys and assume that no one would enjoy playing Halo because none of them said they wanted to be a space marine when they grew up. This just sounds like Ubisoft wanted some data to legitimize a set of crappy games that were cheap to make, instead of doing some real research and making an innovative or interesting game that young girls would like.
Got Mario Party 8 and two new Wiimotes a few weeks back so we can enjoy full-fledged four-person madness with friends. I like some of the new boards, it’s neat to have different layouts instead of just the standard “go in a circle, buy a star” boards. The one big complaint: the voice actress for Daisy. I’m not sure what effect they were going for, but she sounds like one of those loud-mouthed sorority girls that plays volleyball and smokes on weekends. Have a look.
I think I may have to ban the use of Daisy when playing in my house.
I hope you guys like picture posts, because I keep finding gems. I think this one illustrates the weirdness of living in the bible belt perfectly.
Dane suggested that the Love Shack go buy ad space above the church.
Last night at the coffeeshop I frequent our table was asked to keep our voices down. Apparently the religious discussion group several tables over “could not hear their own conversation” because we were talking too loudly. This was after they had already come over and asked the employees to turn the background music down.
What a horribly rude thing to say. We weren’t screaming obscenities, we were just speaking in normal voices. You’re in a coffeeshop, not a library or a movie theater. How about you have your “theological cafe” discussions at your church if the general public is too noisy for you? Or, at the very least, move outside to the patio. There was no one outside to bother you.
