Fresh Fish Served Daily

Dear guy driving the blue mustang,

I have a rear-view mirror. I can SEE you with your finger up your nose. Seriously, I understand that sometimes it’s just gotta be done, but do you think you could maybe wait until I’m not sitting in front of you at a traffic light? This light has been red now for two whole minutes and you’ve been digging around in there the whole time. What are you looking for? Jimmy Hoffa? Your lost dignity? Get a box of tissues or something, for the love of Pete.

Love,
Susi

Seen in my rearview on the way home from work Friday: a woman with a cigarette in one hand, holding the phone with the other, crying as she was talking. CRYING. I’m not entirely sure how she was managing to steer, but I got the hell away from her as fast as I could.

Seriously. Quit it. You remember what happened last time, don’t you? Everyone went nuts for no reason. With school closings involved this time it may very well be worse.

And I actually need to get gas. Poop.

I got stuck in some unexpected traffic on the way home from work. There was a line of at least thirty cars in both directions trying to get in to the QT. Also, gas prices at that same QT have gone up twenty cents since I was home for lunch, not five hours ago.

Seriously people, do you know what a “self-fulfilling prophecy” is? If your car is half full, you don’t need to get gas just because the news said that there MIGHT be a shortage. However, if all the nutjobs go and fill up their bathtubs with gas we might have a problem.

Dear all Dodge Magnum owners,

Just because your car shares its name with a large, powerful firearm does not mean it’s not still a station wagon. A really ugly station wagon, I might add. And if it has a Hemi, you have the added bonus of driving a ridiculously overpowered station wagon. Congratulations. I hope your snot-nosed brats vomit all over the backseats.

Love,
Susi

Sunday night when taking Dane to the Marta station we got stuck at a particularly long light waiting to turn left. I noticed the car at the front was not pulled all the way up to the line. Now, this is a common problem in my area anywhere there is a intersection on the access road. The line you are supposed to stop at is usually partway under the bridge that holds up Peachtree Industrial, and for whatever reason many people do not pull all the way up. In this case I noticed that the light was going by the sensors after we went through a full cycle and never got green. I honked a few times, but the guy never got it. Finally I just got out of the car, went up to his window, and pointed. It was a middle-aged Asian man in a fairly nice black Mustang. “The line is up there.” He saw me come up and looked terrified. He didn’t even roll down the window, just immediately pulled up to the line. I’m not entirely sure why he seemed so afraid, as a skinny white blonde girl with glasses and wearing pajamas is probably the farthest thing from threatening I can think of. I got back to my car and settled back in as the light turned green about half a minute later. Who knows how long he would have sat there before he realized the problem.