Fresh Fish Served Daily

Dear relatively new co-worker:

While I understand that it gets hot in your office, you may want to consider closing the door anyway if you are going to have a private conversation about your pending lawsuit. It might also help some if you didn’t have the LOUDEST VOICE KNOWN TO MAN.

Since you get approximately a hundred personal calls a day, please also consider putting your cell phone on silent during the workday, or at least turn it down. I do not enjoy hearing your too-loud fake Caribbean music ring tone. If you do not, you may find your phone to be mysteriously missing one day soon.

One last thing: lay off the perfume. If the restroom still smells like your perfume when you were last in there fifteen minutes ago, you’re doing it wrong.

Love,
Susi