Fresh Fish Served Daily

I’m sure everyone is dying to know what I think of Guitar Hero III, so I’m finally writing up my review. Months ago when I heard that Harmonix had split from RedOctane I feared for Guitar Hero’s future. My anxiety increased when I found that the reigns on GHIII were taken by Neversoft (whose claim to fame is beating the dead horse of the Tony Hawk franchise like a freaking Madden game). As it turns out, my fears were completely correct, and Neversoft has sold out the GH franchise just like your favorite indie band sold out when they let their songs be used as product jingles.

First, the good points, as there are a few of them. The gameplay has largely been left alone. There are even a few small improvements, such as the pull-offs being easier. The difficulty level has gone up, but to compensate somewhat for that the timing window has gotten almost embarrassingly large. I don’t mind so much, as I can nail solos now that I would never have dreamed of acing in the first game. Co-op career mode is lots of fun, and the added incentive of different encores from single-player career is a nice touch.

Then there’s the bad stuff. The “guitar battles” are LAME. You play against a famous guitarist that the game controls. Certain notes are marked differently, and if you hit a run of those you get a power-up that you can use to attack the other guitarist. Your goal is to make the other guitarist fail before the end of the “song”. What cracks me up is that the battles are essentially jam sessions, and one of the loading bumps actually says “no one wants to pay to hear you jam”. The rest of the loading bumps are equally unfunny, like they were trying way too hard. (There’s only been about one that I laughed at so far) In the band, the drummer moves jerkily and the male lead singer’s chin is horrifying. They took out Pandora (my favorite guitarist) and sexed up the remaining female guitarists. The final straw? The game is sponsored by Axe body spray, with trashy dancing girls and Axe-branded guitars to match. I understand sponsorship by actual guitar and accessory companies, but Axe has absolutely nothing to do with music. Also, you’ve just alienated half of your potential market by reducing the female guitarists to eye candy and adding totally unnecessary dancing girls. (I mean, they’re dancing to “Bulls on Parade” and “One” fer chrissakes, those aren’t really songs you can do stripper-esque moves to!) Classy.

Once I take everything into account, I end up left with the feeling that Neversoft just didn’t “get it” when they made GHIII. None of the quirky, funny style that Harmonix infused the original game with is there anymore. It’s almost like hanging out with a little kid that looks up to you. Sometimes you feel embarrassed for them at how hard they’re trying to be cool. In any case, I’m way more excited about Rock Band now that I’ve watched some of the videos on the site. Customized rockers? Hell yes.

Next up is a Mario Galaxy review. I’m out the door in five to go get a copy, I’m sure the Wii will be on nonstop the next few days.